Is Blagojevich a Sociopath? Scandal in Six Minutes

Editor's Note: I've been working on a couple of posts that have gone Skynet on me. Pride is the only thing standing between me and the self-destruct button, but never fear, I will do what has to be done to save the planet from a hostile cyborg takeover. I hope to get back to long angry rants soon. I promise.

So the governor of our friendly neighbors to the northeast is a scumbag. So what? We're pretty used to it by now. It sucks that he's a Democrat, but, as we learned from the brief political career of Jerry Springer, corruption don't discriminate. I always knew he was kind of a dick from the snippets of news that would trickle down to Missoura occasionally, but good lord, what a fucking idiot. I'm sure there are many reasons for his reckless arrogance, blatant disregard for the rule of law, and obvious emotional immaturity, but I'm going with a full blown mental illness.

Not only does this guy possess the moral and ethical compass of a whipworm, but he's in complete and total denial. Let's take a look at how Governor Rod Blagojevich stacks up against some of the warning signs of Sociopathy.

+Superficial charm - Have you seen that haircut? Check.

+Manipulative - He tried to use political leverage to get a sweet job for his wife? Check.

+Grandiose sense of self - He is refusing to step down even after the President-Elect and ALL 50 Senators call for his resignation? Check.

+Pathological lying - The day before his arrest after a wire tap revealed he tried to sell a Senate seat to the highest bidder, he told the country, "if anybody wants to tape my conversations, go right ahead, feel free to do it. ... [W]hatever I say is always lawful."

Check.

+Lack of remorse, shame, or guilt - His lawyer the day of his arrest: "He didn't do anything wrong." Uhhhh, did you hear what they recorded with that wiretap? Check.

+Seeing others as targets and opportunities, not people - When speaking about President-Elect Obama, he said, "They're not willing to give me anything except appreciation. Fuck them." Check.

+Irresponsibility - Conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery? Check.

+Criminal Versatility - They didn't even need the Senate seat talk to bust him. Check.

I could go on, but my soul hurts. Can we stop talking about this now? No? Fine.

As entertaining as it is, you're probably too busy to sift through the 76-page document detailing the charges against Blagojevich. Never fear! Rachel Maddow was kind enough to sum it up for us in six hilarious minutes. Her recap is complete with voice actors playing Rod and his wife Patricia. Very nice Rachel. Very nice.


Oh, and one final note of beautiful poetic justice that not enough people are talking about...he had to go before the judge in sweat pants. Can someone please find a picture of this? Please?

Morning Peace of Mind: Best Montage in the History of Montages

You're the best! Around! Nothin's gonna ever keep you down!
-Joe Esposito

I'm here to brighten your day. Nothing else. I bring joy to those around me. I just can't help it. Don't you wish you were hanging out with me right now? Here is a little something to start you off right this morning. You can thank me later.


Blow-by-Blow Montage Recap

:01 – The montage starts with a close-up of the sweet Cobra Kai logo. Perfect.

:04 – Sweep kick. I think that’s an automatic win according to karate rules. Daniel-San looks very nervous. Miyagi looks pissed.

:16 – Whoa. Cobra Kai meathead ‘roids out. Steroids probably weren’t too prevalent in U-17 karate back in the eighties, but if they were, I guarantee Sensei Kreese would make them mandatory for his team. Fucking psycho. John Kreese was a Republican. I’m certain of it.

:29 – Intimidating stare from DS’s nemesis Johnny. He does some crazy double kick combo—another automatic karate winner. Damn, that dude used to scare the crap out of me. Now, that skinny headband just makes him look like a douche.

:40 – DS’s first fight of the tourney against the token black dude of the movie. Cheap win for the good guys. Elizabeth Shue likes it a lot. Mr. Miyagi seems unimpressed.

:53 – Sweep kick to the chest. Take that motherfucker.

1:00 – Things speed up a bit for the 2nd round. Wins for DS and Johnny.

1:10 – Fat dude gets knocked the fuck out.

1:20 – Anyone notice that every ref in the tournament has a mustache? Was that a conscious casting decision?

1:35 – Kreese gives a sweet fist pump after another CK victory.

1:39 – DS’s first face off with a CK foot soldier. I always hated this weasely fucker. Just when you think all is lost, the kid sneaks in a sly little jab. This move impresses the judges enough that he awards him instant victory. Weasel-fuck doesn’t agree.

2:02 – Close-up of another sweet ref ‘stache.

2:10 – First look at the world’s most awesome tournament brackets as LaRusso is hoisted into the semifinals. The tournament brackets of my youth were made with poster board and a sharpie. Bullshit.

2:13 –Intense pep talk from Miyagi. It doesn’t help. Why does Ralph Macchio always look like he’s about to keel over, curl up into the fetal position, and weep openly?

2:24 – The Cobra Kai cokehead steps in against DS with a creepy smile. Kick to the face temporarily stuns the kid. Cold stare from Miyagi. Counter kick by DS for the win! Larusso to the finals!

End montage. Joe Esposita. Thank you for your inspiring song.

Don’t worry…I won’t leave you hanging. After Mr. Miyagi does some crazy magic on Daniel-San's leg, he's out and ready to fight. Here is the epic and unforgettable championship match between Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso. "Sweep the leg!"

Oh, sweet nostalgia.


If you're impatient, the crane kick is at 4:05. They just don't make triumphant music like that anymore.

"Hey, Mr. Miyagi! We did it!"

RFT Blogger o' the Week: KBO

I guess the Riverfront Times decided to class up the joint a bit. My beautiful and talented wife earned the honor of seeing her words printed in the finest alternative newsweekly in St. Louis. This pretty much means she's famous. Next stop, riches! I'll be quitting my job as a teacher and focusing on my housecleaning in two weeks time. Bet.

I thought the excerpt they used was hilarious, but I guess I'm biased. She wishes they would have found a better one. To help them out next time, here are my favorite five South City Confidential posts (in no particular order).

1. You Do Not Suck At All You can't go wrong when you mix karaoke, Hot Damn, and a middle-aged Pakistani named Ali Baba. This may be my favorite SCC post of all time. If you haven't read it, you're in for a treat. Here's a preview:

By the grace of God, my first visit was someone’s bachelorette party. Not only did I hear the incendiary “Gangster’s Paradise” performance, but saw what elevates Ali Baba from “funny guy with accent” to “totally audacious character who regularly exhibits borderline illegal behavior”. In case you were wondering, Ali Baba has no problem with public displays of affection. With relative strangers. On this particularly cherry-poppin’ visit, I witnessed Ali Baba effectively dry-hump the bride-to-be on the dance floor. I also, luckily, saw the bride’s skirt hiked up around her waist and her lack of both underwear and public hair. To this day, I believe it was the closest I’ve ever been to another woman’s vagina.

2. What a Long Strange Trip... to Lawrence, Kansas. Wakarusa '08. It was quite a time, and it inspired this description of a fellow concert goer we encountered:

My favorite person I saw the whole weekend was a middle-aged dude in acid-washed jeans, a tye-dyed Chiefs t-shirt, and a fat mustache that made me ask, “Developmentally delayed, or just on meth?” No joke, this guy danced like a four-year-old girl in a field of puppies and unicorns. It was so great.

3. I Had A Dream Ed Best showing off his large tomatoes to Obama? Priceless. Plus, it includes a rant about John McCain after the RNC. Very nice.

DID YOU KNOW HE WAS A POW? OMG pee myself while waving an American flag with an eagle perched on my shoulder, talons ready to tear through an “Islamofascist” as I draw a cross in the dirt outside my house that I built MAH-SELF with my own god-willing sweat and tears.

4. Leaves of Three: Suck on These If there is a god, why did he put poison ivy on this earth? Tell me. Why? Perfect description the moment I dread most:

I should have known when I was itchy all over that it was not chigger bites, or eczema, or fleas. I actually considered fleas when the obvious was staring me in the face. It came to me last night when I scratched my back and felt the sweet, sweet relief of getting right to the core of an itch: wait a minute…that feels like when you scratch…oh MOTHERFUCKER! Because at that point, I had been scratching my body for two days. Unrestrained, glorious, relief-inducing scratching.

5. Validation. She's gonna hate me for this one, I had to include a serious one. And this one makes me feel good about being a teacher. It's sure to warm the heart. One passage can't really do it justice, so you'll have to read it for yourself.

Hope you enjoyed.

Doggone It, People Like Me

Al Franken may just pull this thing off! Can you believe it? Only in Minnesota. FiveThirtyEight.com's Nate Silver, who correctly predicted EVERYTHING, broke it down today:

The second piece of cheery news for Franken is that officials in Ramsey County have "discovered" a stack of 171 ballots that were never counted in the first place; those ballots returned a net of 37 votes for Franken. This is a very big deal; a net gain of 37 votes makes a huge amount of difference in a race that could easily be decided by a small, double-digit margin. If the 37-vote gain in added to the 50-vote margin that the Franken campaign estimated that it trailed by at the start of the day, that would put them just 13 votes behind with 8-9 percent of the state's votes still left to be counted.

Senator. Al. Franken. How's that sound when you say it out loud? Now picture Rush Limbaugh saying it. Oh, sweet justice. This could be the ultimate vindication for eight years of political frustration and anger. So, suck it Rush! I can't wait to listen to you bitch about this one.

Franken wrote two awesomely-titled books: Rush Limbaugh's a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations and Lies and the Lying Liars that Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. Since the Right MUST pay attention to him now, I think I'll pick both of these puppies up at Left Bank Books this weekend.

Here's Franken doing what he does best--calling out liars:


Questions of the day: How long will this thing be held up in court if Franken pulls ahead after the recount? Coleman is a spiteful bastard. He'll file fifteen more lawsuits before he concedes. I hope those 187 ballots that magically appeared are legit. Could Republicans throw sand in the gears and hold this thing up for months?

Job Creation

It's probably a bad idea since you are technically my competition, but I feel obligated to inform you of an excellent employment opportunity. If you have ever thought about pursuing a job with the government, it looks like you might finally get the chance. The Obama-Biden administration is accepting applications for "non-career positions - whether in the White House or in any Federal Department, Agency or Commission." I think I'm going to shoot for the Bureau of Arms Control. That sounds pretty badass. Pick your agency here and apply now!

Does anyone know if this is standard White House transition procedure?

The He-man Helping the Skeletor?

I know this is from last week's SNL, but it's fucking hilarious, so I thought I'd share. If you've heard Arianna Huffington before, you'll probably laugh. Compare the performance with an interview on November 17th with Bill Maher on the Rachael Maddow Show after the jump. It's spot on. Michaela Watkins--so far, so good. The rest of the show was beyond mediocre. Go ahead and delete it off the Tivo.



The real Arianna Huffinton:

Harvey Milk, Hope, and Thanksgiving

A while back KBO posted a trailer for the new Sean Penn movie "Milk," a biopic about San Francisco politician and activist Harvey Milk. Well, it's finally in theaters, and I'm reminding you to go and see it. Here's the trailer:




If all goes well, we'll be at the 8:30 or 9:45 show tonight at the Tivoli. I'll let you know what I thought of it in a few days.

If you want to get a grasp on the scope of the Harvey Milk tragedy, watch the NBC newscast from the night of the assassination. The most heartbreaking part is at 2:20 of the video when then president of the Board of Supervisors in San Francisco, Dianne Feinstein, makes the shocking announcement that Mayor George Mascone and Supervisor Harvey Milk have been assassinated. The reaction of the reporters in the room speaks for itself.



On this Thanksgiving Day, I'm going to be thinking about Harvey Milk and people like him who refuse to be silenced by hatred and bigotry. He was assassinated 30 years ago, just before Thanksgiving on November 27th, 1978. Here is a man with courage. He was the country's first openly gay elected official. Here we are THIRTY YEARS LATER and we're still passing blatantly anti-gay and discriminatory legislation. Imagine what it was like back then? I mean, a man who assassinated two elected officials was let off with a voluntary manslaughter charge! Are you fucking serious? The Twinkie defense? More like the homophobia defense. It takes balls to lead a movement with such irrational and hateful opposition. And even though he knew people wanted him dead, he kept fighting. Here are his last words. He recorded them to be played in the event of his assassination.



Harvey Milk was a great man. He was a pioneer of a new civil rights movement. Though we have made great strides that Milk would be proud of, we still have a long and difficult journey ahead of us. It's time to stand up and fight. I hope this story inspires a new generation of LGBT leaders with the fearless determination that it's going to take to change this country.

I don't think I could say it any better than the man himself though:

"Somewhere in Des Moines or San Antonio there is a young gay person who all the sudden realizes that he or she is gay; knows that if their parents find out they will be tossed out of the house, their classmates will taunt the child, and the Anita Bryant's and John Briggs' are doing their part on TV. And that child has several options: staying in the closet, and suicide. And then one day that child might open the paper that says "Homosexual elected in San Francisco" and there are two new options: the option is to go to California, or stay in San Antonio and fight. Two days after I was elected I got a phone call and the voice was quite young. It was from Altoona, Pennsylvania. And the person said "Thanks". And you've got to elect gay people, so that thousand upon thousands like that child know that there is hope for a better world; there is hope for a better tomorrow. Without hope, not only gays, but those who are blacks, the Asians, the disabled, the seniors, the us's: without hope the us's give up. I know that you can't live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And you, and you, and you, and you have got to give them hope."

-Harvey Milk, 1978, shortly before his assassination.

Morning Peace of Mind: I Don't Know How You Did It...But I'm Glad You Did!

There are some rumors going around the Internets via the New York Post that Ann Coulter may have been effectively silenced for a while. Apparently, she broke her jaw. While I would never wish physical harm to anyone, if this is going to stop Coulter from spreading her hatred around, I'll chalk this one up to karma and say a little thank you prayer tomorrow. Not because she got hurt, but because people won't have to hear her voice for a few months. Think of collective sigh of relief on January 21st when the country is free from the voices of George W. Bush and Ann Coulter. The moment may be fleeting, but that doesn't make it any less wonderful. I guess dreams do come true for those who wait.


Hey, remember when Coulter reacted to war protests in Canada by saying they should be thankful we don't "roll over one night and crush them one night." Watch her squirm as she mistakenly claims that Canada sent troops to Vietnam. Awesome!

Naomi Klein: Pick of Summers and Geithner, "A Profound Disappointment"

This is no secret to KBO, but I have a bit of an intellectual crush on Naomi Klein. I love everything she writes. Seriously. There were times reading The Shock Doctrine when I got so worked up, my hands started to shake. I found myself screaming obscenities at the bathroom walls and ripping pages as I furiously underlined the shit that blew my mind. MK-Ultra? What? Fuck no! I finally had to take a break from the book for my family's sake.


Anyway, Klein was on Democracy Now! yesterday talking to Amy Goodman. If I got to choose any two political minds to have dinner with, it would Amy Goodman and Naomi Klein. Hands down, two
of the smartest progressive voices in politics today. Klein does not like Larry Summers or Timothy Geithner...but mainly Summers. People forget that Clinton drank the free market/deregulation kool aid all through the 90s. Klein wants me to remind you that free market ideology has been guiding the economic policy of this country for well over 25 years. Yes, that's THROUGH the WJ Clinton administration. Like global warming to Republicans, this is a dirty and inconvenient truth a Democrat can never admit. Klein contends that right now, we are paying for "the intellectual dishonesty of the progressive liberals during the Bush years." Part of the reason these appointments have been widely seen as acceptable is that we "have not been honest about the legacy of the Clinton years."

Ouch. Nothing like Democracy Now! to kick you in the nuts with a little perspective. (If you ever want a sobering and honest take on any item in the news, go straight to DN!, but please, mentally prepare yourself). Klein goes on to conclude that Summers (former Treasury Secretary under Clinton) is not only a follower, but "a propagator of the very ideology that Obama ran his campaign against...He's been preaching the doctrine...he's a dyed-in-the-wool privatizer, free trader. And he along with Tim Geithner, his deputy, play[ed] key roles during the economic crises." This gives me heartburn.

It's important to understand that, in the past, when someone on the left like Obama had a "centrist economic policy," it meant that they accepted Milton Friedman's economic philosophy as "simple economics." You've probably had friends with an MBA chastise you about not understanding these simple principles. They can't comprehend anything outside of the free market realm. It's insanely frustrating. Ever since Friedman got hold of the Chicago School of economics and the hijacked the entire of the field of economics, we've been on a crash course towards this very moment. Well, the shit finally hit the fan. It turns out they were all wrong. When Alan Greenspan, the perennial god of the market admits that he had a "flaw in his ideology," you know it's over. The system collapsed and so should the theory.

This is why there is no need to panic. First, Barack Obama is our president now. He is in charge, and I don't see him just going along with an idea without getting several dissenting opinions. He is not an ideologue. He has repeatedly insisted that he wants the best solutions, no matter where they come from. One of the many reasons I voted for Obama was his his ability to view a problem in a comprehensive and reasonable way. I trust that he can analyze this crisis, sift through the many alternatives, and choose the plan that makes the most sense for the country. We can't ask for much more.

Second, in September, EVERYTHING changed. All assumptions now have to be reexamined. As DN's second guest Robert Kuttner reminds us, it is not politically viable to follow any of the ideas of Milton Friedman or the 90s version of Larry Summer. Obama ran his campaign on the promise of deregulation. If he wants any shot at being reelected, he'll follow through.

In the end, Obama chose to go with people who know and understand the steps that got us into this mess. Yes, they know and understand what got us into this mess because they helped create it, but you're not going to find a whole lot of qualified candidates out there who can claim otherwise. What matters most right now is that we have faith in the leadership skills and intellect of our newly elected government. It's never wrong to dissent, but in that dissension (especially if you voted for Obama), we have to avoid being bogged down by pessimism.
__________________________________________________________________

Keith Olbermann does a great job summarizing the Shock Doctrine theory as proposed by Naomi Klein. In the interview that follows, Klein gives several specific examples when this strategy has been used by free marketeers to plunder cities and countries. Watch it for your own good!

Morning Peace of Mind: Chinese Democracy? Not in My China!

I don't know if you heard, but with the release of the not-so-anticipated 14 year project Chinese Democracy, Guns N' Roses is officially a cooperating faction in the American conspiracy to "grasp and control the world using democracy as a pawn." While I can certainly understand the paranoia coming out of China's state run newspaper after eight years of George W. Bush, I'm not sure if W is the type to conspire with the likes of Slash and Axl.


Chinese Foreign Minister spokesman Qin Gang took the attacks on GNR to a personal level by contending, "As far as I know, many people don't like this kind of music. It's too noisy and clamorous."

The album has been banned in China.

No word yet on whether Axl Rose plans to travel to China to throw a flying forearm at Mr. Gang for his comments.

Watch more Megavideo videos on AOL Video

Guns N' Roses riot at Riverport Amphitheater in St. Louis. Sorry about the quality of video. You can see Axl burst out of the crowd and run around like a mad man at :30. Then, the fire hoses come out. It's worth a look.