-Joe Esposito
I'm here to brighten your day. Nothing else. I bring joy to those around me. I just can't help it. Don't you wish you were hanging out with me right now? Here is a little something to start you off right this morning. You can thank me later.
Blow-by-Blow Montage Recap
:01 – The montage starts with a close-up of the sweet Cobra Kai logo. Perfect.:04 – Sweep kick. I think that’s an automatic win according to karate rules. Daniel-San looks very nervous. Miyagi looks pissed.
:16 – Whoa. Cobra Kai meathead ‘roids out. Steroids probably weren’t too prevalent in U-17 karate back in the eighties, but if they were, I guarantee Sensei Kreese would make them mandatory for his team. Fucking psycho. John Kreese was a Republican. I’m certain of it.
:29 – Intimidating stare from DS’s nemesis Johnny. He does some crazy double kick combo—another automatic karate winner. Damn, that dude used to scare the crap out of me. Now, that skinny headband just makes him look like a douche.
:40 – DS’s first fight of the tourney against the token black dude of the movie. Cheap win for the good guys. Elizabeth Shue likes it a lot. Mr. Miyagi seems unimpressed.
:53 – Sweep kick to the chest. Take that motherfucker.
1:00 – Things speed up a bit for the 2nd round. Wins for DS and Johnny.
1:10 – Fat dude gets knocked the fuck out.
1:20 – Anyone notice that every ref in the tournament has a mustache? Was that a conscious casting decision?
1:35 – Kreese gives a sweet fist pump after another CK victory.
1:39 – DS’s first face off with a CK foot soldier. I always hated this weasely fucker. Just when you think all is lost, the kid sneaks in a sly little jab. This move impresses the judges enough that he awards him instant victory. Weasel-fuck doesn’t agree.
2:02 – Close-up of another sweet ref ‘stache.
2:10 – First look at the world’s most awesome tournament brackets as LaRusso is hoisted into the semifinals. The tournament brackets of my youth were made with poster board and a sharpie. Bullshit.
2:13 –Intense pep talk from Miyagi. It doesn’t help. Why does Ralph Macchio always look like he’s about to keel over, curl up into the fetal position, and weep openly?
2:24 – The Cobra Kai cokehead steps in against DS with a creepy smile. Kick to the face temporarily stuns the kid. Cold stare from Miyagi. Counter kick by DS for the win! Larusso to the finals!
End montage. Joe Esposita. Thank you for your inspiring song.
Don’t worry…I won’t leave you hanging. After Mr. Miyagi does some crazy magic on Daniel-San's leg, he's out and ready to fight. Here is the epic and unforgettable championship match between Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso. "Sweep the leg!"
Oh, sweet nostalgia.
If you're impatient, the crane kick is at 4:05. They just don't make triumphant music like that anymore.
"Hey, Mr. Miyagi! We did it!"
