I guess the Riverfront Times decided to class up the joint a bit. My beautiful and talented wife earned the honor of seeing her words printed in the finest alternative newsweekly in St. Louis. This pretty much means she's famous. Next stop, riches! I'll be quitting my job as a teacher and focusing on my housecleaning in two weeks time. Bet.I thought the excerpt they used was hilarious, but I guess I'm biased. She wishes they would have found a better one. To help them out next time, here are my favorite five South City Confidential posts (in no particular order).
1. You Do Not Suck At All You can't go wrong when you mix karaoke, Hot Damn, and a middle-aged Pakistani named Ali Baba. This may be my favorite SCC post of all time. If you haven't read it, you're in for a treat. Here's a preview:
By the grace of God, my first visit was someone’s bachelorette party. Not only did I hear the incendiary “Gangster’s Paradise” performance, but saw what elevates Ali Baba from “funny guy with accent” to “totally audacious character who regularly exhibits borderline illegal behavior”. In case you were wondering, Ali Baba has no problem with public displays of affection. With relative strangers. On this particularly cherry-poppin’ visit, I witnessed Ali Baba effectively dry-hump the bride-to-be on the dance floor. I also, luckily, saw the bride’s skirt hiked up around her waist and her lack of both underwear and public hair. To this day, I believe it was the closest I’ve ever been to another woman’s vagina.2. What a Long Strange Trip... to Lawrence, Kansas. Wakarusa '08. It was quite a time, and it inspired this description of a fellow concert goer we encountered:
My favorite person I saw the whole weekend was a middle-aged dude in acid-washed jeans, a tye-dyed Chiefs t-shirt, and a fat mustache that made me ask, “Developmentally delayed, or just on meth?” No joke, this guy danced like a four-year-old girl in a field of puppies and unicorns. It was so great.3. I Had A Dream Ed Best showing off his large tomatoes to Obama? Priceless. Plus, it includes a rant about John McCain after the RNC. Very nice.
DID YOU KNOW HE WAS A POW? OMG pee myself while waving an American flag with an eagle perched on my shoulder, talons ready to tear through an “Islamofascist” as I draw a cross in the dirt outside my house that I built MAH-SELF with my own god-willing sweat and tears.4. Leaves of Three: Suck on These If there is a god, why did he put poison ivy on this earth? Tell me. Why? Perfect description the moment I dread most:
I should have known when I was itchy all over that it was not chigger bites, or eczema, or fleas. I actually considered fleas when the obvious was staring me in the face. It came to me last night when I scratched my back and felt the sweet, sweet relief of getting right to the core of an itch: wait a minute…that feels like when you scratch…oh MOTHERFUCKER! Because at that point, I had been scratching my body for two days. Unrestrained, glorious, relief-inducing scratching.5. Validation. She's gonna hate me for this one, I had to include a serious one. And this one makes me feel good about being a teacher. It's sure to warm the heart. One passage can't really do it justice, so you'll have to read it for yourself.
Hope you enjoyed.
